As this week comes to a close, it appears the grand experiment of “Meta Week” wasn’t exactly a success. I promise, next time I will make more of the opportunity. Of course, it would help if a major console manufacturer didn’t have one of the biggest security meltdowns in history. Then I can spill all of my blogging secrets, and everyone will read with bated breath because, you know, I’m so famous now.
Okay, that’s a huge stretch. I haven’t exactly made it on Oprah yet; I haven’t even made it on “Freshly Pressed” at WordPress.com yet. Apparently it would kill them to feature me there. Regardless of my lack of notoriety, I am still getting some search engine hits. Yesterday, I started to countdown the Top 10 Funny-But-Sometimes-Disturbing Search Engine Terms for Five Things At Once (through April 2011). Today, we continue with the Top 5.
5. haters say wow
- This one is pretty befuddling. I didn’t know that this was a saying. Maybe it’s a pop song? If not, I got dibs. I called it! My new album of .mp3’s will have a song that goes, “Haters say wow, throw your hands in the air!” It kind of writes itself. It’s possible that this was referring to World of Warcraft, and some kind of issue that arose out of an expansion pack or some other thing. I do have two posts that have used the term “hater,” the Jon Hamm As Superman one and also Grand Theft Bloggo: Part 2.
4. moms got no pants on
- This one is both funny and potentially creepy, when you think about it. This must be referring to my post Notes from Mom: No Pants Tuesday. That was about the little one, but it would be funnier if it was mom that had no pants on. There was also a similar but more disturbing search, “wife went out got laid.” It’s disturbing and sad that someone would think to Google that. I did have a post about my wife going out called My Wife Went To SXSW, And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt. But if your wife got too wild one night and you’re looking for commiseration, sorry, I can’t help you there.
3. videos of easter bunny getting trapped
- This must have been for Silly Business: Piper’s “The Story of the Easter Bunny.” The Easter Bunny did get trapped, then Santa got mad, and hijinks ensued. There was never any video documentation of the scene, however. I suppose I should make some kind of stop-motion animation for this; maybe it would bring in more hits. However, even though someone searched for it, I don’t think there’s a great demand for videos of the Easter Bunny getting trapped. That wouldn’t exactly be the feel good film of the year.
2. stay at home dad wants to escape to bar every night
- This one made me laugh. How did they know? It’s pretty much my life story, but I haven’t made a post specifically about that yet. So, I got dibs on this one, too. Also, that could be another one of the songs on my upcoming album. Maybe this one could be in a Toby Keith kind of vibe. It just proves there is an audience for these kinds of blogs. Apparently, there are many like minded people out there. Maybe we should open up a bar to cater to the stay-at-home dad market. Call it the “SAHD Bar.” On second thought, it probably wouldn’t get a lot of business. Nobody would want to go to a place that sounds like it’s “sad.” Again, the story of my life.
- Drumroll please. And the #1 Funniest And Yet Most Disturbing Search Engine Term is:
1. roku porn
- That’s right. Hey, I didn’t make this one up. I wrote about the Roku set-top box back in my post about canceling cable: Parenting on a Budget: Cutting the Cable. However, I never said anything about porn, or pron—as you would say if you don’t want to actually write the word “porn.” I don’t even think there is any pron on the Roku box. Psst, if anybody finds some, let me know. But seriously, if you’re looking for some tech advice on alternatives to cable TV, come on in. If you’re looking for a cache of pron on Roku or the Apple TV, I can’t help you there.
Like I said before, as things get funnier, things get weirder. Although I’ll take the page views, sometimes I think maybe we shouldn’t know what people are really thinking … or really typing into search engines, for that matter.